Communication in sexuality

Fear and uncertainty are normal when it comes to recovering your sex life. If you have a partner, share your fears with them. Surely your relationship will be strengthened when you express your feelings, doubts and concerns. Communication is basic to overcome those doubts and taboos. Any situation in our imagination is always much worse than when we face them in practice.

Only through communication can you successfully resolve your concerns. Lack of communication can increase fears and inhibit sex.

It is logical that you are focused on your worries, on your ostomy pouch, but do not forget that your partner will also need to communicate and understand you.

If your partner worries about the possibility of hurting your stoma, do not interpret this as rejection on his or her part. An intimate relationship is one in which feelings, desires and sensations can be expressed without barriers, involving the elimination of sex and the body. Your partner will understand your signal. You must understand that your partner’s feelings are real and should not be relegated to your own.

People with ostomies who are in casual relationships often worry about when to tell their partners that they have a stoma. It depends on you.

Some people feel more comfortable telling right away, while others want to meet and confide in a potential partner first.

It will be very difficult to be sexually intimate without you showing your stoma/ostomy pouch. It is probably not the best time to show your partner an ostomy when the passionate encounter is occurring. If you do not feel confident to communicate this, you can wear intimate apparel that will at least help hide the ostomy pouch. We recommend the use of ostomy bands and “bodysuits” with crotch openings such as SIIL Ostomy line or ostomy belts for men.

Most people don’t know what ostomy surgery is or what a stoma looks like or how it works, or how it may have changed your sexual function. If you meet someone with whom you want a sexual relationship, you will have to decide how and when you can tell them.

Keep in mind that rejection is possible and give your new partner time to consider what an ostomy means to the relationship. Answer questions openly and honestly.

Keep in mind that in the beginning all first experiences may not be perfect. Do not set your expectations too high. Also keep in mind that in some cases sexual dysfunctions are the result of the intervention or stress due to it and with time these situations can be reversed or solved. Be sure to consult your doctor about your particular situation.